We don’t just need people to be aware and to donate and to blindly follow one gimmick after the next. We need people to get proactive. Please get checked for breast cancer and encourage others to do so. That is the best way you can help make a difference.
اللهم ارحـــم موتانا وموتـــــا المسلمين واشــــفي مرضانا ومرضا المســــلمين
All my love!
So, this post has been in the works for a few days now. I wanted to take my time writing it because I really didn’t want to offend my male readers or come off as some wannabe self-help hack. As a disclaimer, I think it might be helpful to let you all know right off the bat that I am neither A) a bra-burning, man-hating monster nor B) a condescending bully.
With that said… I think I’m just about ready to bust a cap in some people’s heads!
Look, as my short (and sweet?) ‘About’ page will tell you, I’m a 23 year old female. So, naturally, I know a lot of women in that same “marrying age” bracket. And, knowing women at this age who are not married, you will occasionally and undoubtedly hear one of the following and infuriating variations come out of their mouths:
“I’m too fat/too ugly/too old/too stupid to find a man.“
And, sometimes, they can really dial up the crazy and invert those common ‘woe is me’ phrases to sound something like: “I am too smart/too successful/too outgoing/TOO PRETTY to find a man.“
Oh yes, my friends. Oh yes. Whatever the adjective of choice seems to be, it looks like we women are always just a little “too something” for that Prince Charming of ours.
Well, gosh, are we all positively screwed, or what? Because, and correct me if I’m wrong here, if we are ALWAYS “too” something for someone, then we are also ALWAYS going to be in the blind, endless pursuit of some other quality (negative or positive) that’s going to finally balance us out and unlock the magic doors to Ryan Gosling’s heart. Right?
WRONG. I’m here to burst your bubble ladies: We’ve all been fooled, conned, and freaking lied to. Myself included.
This insane habit every woman has to put herself down based on her “too” factor is something that I’ve personally seen so many women punish themselves over or wear like a piece of armor so many times. It’s either, “Too fat! Gym! Diet! GASTRIC BYPASS!” or “Personal question! Panic! SARCASM!”
Please, ladies, let’s all just cut the crap for a second. Let’s all just try to be real people for once. People who don’t define ourselves by our relation to what anyone else wants. Especially men. Cause you wanna know why? Men couldn’t actually give a flying dingbat about our “too-ness.”
It’s like that equation up there. If I was going to, hypothetically, try to mold myself into some imaginary man’s Perfect Ten, then this would be the equation I’d have to solve and undo. That equation up there displays how I, OwlOlive, am too much or too little of something for some hypothetical person to love.
EXCEPT HOLD THE FRONT DOOR… THAT’S NOT ME. That’s some insane math equation that I, and countless other women, have stuffed in our heads in order to torture ourselves. And even worse? We’ve come up with this equation for no reason whatsoever.
Because the simple truth is that every living, breathing man just wants to be with another living, breathing woman. That’s it.
Who men and women find themselves attracted to is not a matter of intellectual choice, it just happens. So, if men really only wanted to marry women who looked like Angelina Jolie (for example), then all of us regular looking folks would be freaking extinct.
But, wait just a minute there! All I’m seeing around me is regular people and regular couples everywhere! Hmm. Ain’t that a puzzler?
The fact of the matter is that on a very basic level, men and women are all attracted to that one, essential quality: confidence.
But, this is where it might get tricky. And this also when my male readers might start flinging things at me (but I very deeply hope that they don’t). Because, you see, in order to be confident that means you have to also NOT BE weak and helpless. And, a great deal of men (insecure men who are NOTHING like my awesome male readers) need women to remain weak and helpless. Because when you’re weak and helpless there’s no way you’ll ever be in charge. And, right now, men are the ones in charge.
That’s the truth, guys. Agree with it or not, that’s just the way it is.
So, ladies, when we delude ourselves into believing the complete lie that all we have to do is stop being “too” whatever before our Romeo comes along to sweep us off our feet, all we’re actually doing is making ourselves needy and disposable. We’re making ourselves powerless and weak. We are reducing ourselves to unnecessary, harmful, and crazy annoying holograms of people. Not actual people.
And, I’m not a man, but I can’t imagine that any of those qualities are something that any sane, decent, secure, and smart man would want in his future baby-momma.
Maybe we’ll ask my male readers since, you know, they’re the sanest, smartest, securest, MOST ALL AROUND AWESOME guys on this earth? 
All my love!
I have a lot of girlfriends. Their nationalities are as various and as diverse as their actual personalities are. But a majority of these smart, interesting, and beautiful young women that I proudly call my sister-friends share something in common: They all have experiences with Kuwaiti men.
And, really, it’s not the most far-fetched possibility for any woman who lives in Kuwait to, you know, fall for a Kuwaiti. You’re in Kuwait–an abundant mass of Kuwaiti men is only natural. And while I myself have never gotten involved with a Kuwaiti man (not for any reason, just because) I can definitely see why a lot of women would. Many women might get easily beguiled by a flashy car (lets admit it ladies), a charismatic, masculine attitude, or a combination of the two.
I get it. They’ve got things going for them THAT A LOT OF WOMEN FAWN OVER. And, hey, kudos to them for having them.
But amongst all these women–from the Kuwaitis to the Egyptian to the Shami (i.e Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Palestine) to the American and the British–a common phrase is circulated about their Kuwaiti counterparts: “… that’s just Kuwaiti men.”
So its: “He can’t be faithful, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or: “He’s a lying, chauvinistic hypocrite, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or: “He has no ambition, all he cares about is material things, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or (and this is my favorite): “He only has one thing on his mind, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.”
There are obviously variations to this phrase that have been repeated to me in English as well as in Arabic and a much longer list of similar excuses, but you get the gist.
The point is that I’ve literally heard these kinds of phrases SO MUCH and from SO MANY of my friends (and sometimes even their mothers) that I really feel like it needs to be addressed because, and don’t hate on me here ladies, I’m on the men’s side for once.
I’ll explain later why, but first here are a few ground rules that every relationship-impaired woman must follow:
Repeat after me: You teach people how to treat you. That is the first rule that girls have to understand when embarking upon a relationship with any man, whether he be Kuwaiti, American, or a freaking Martian. If you hold your own set of values highly, anyone will see it and they will respect it. If you cling too tightly to anyone, they’ll feel smothered and try to escape you. If you act like you don’t care whatsoever about anyone but yourself, then whoever deals with you will lose interest QUICK. Simple.
The second rule is: If it feels bad then it probably is. That means if your gut is telling you that there is no compatibility there then its highly likely that there isn’t. If you’re getting bad vibes from the person as far as the nature of their character goes, then you have to overlook the initial attraction to the car, or to the looks, or to the charisma and just walk away. Again, this rule works across the board.
The third and final rule: Don’t track garbage into the house and then wonder why the floor is so dirty. In other words, you get what you ask for. If you meet a guy cruising on Love Street, throwing his number out at every moving object that will have it, then don’t be surprised if the relationship doesn’t exactly end in marriage. And, likewise, if you meet someone who is wildly religious (and I’m not saying that religious men are ‘garbage’) and you enjoy wearing a tank top every now and then, then don’t expect the relationship to be a bed of roses. You can’t change people no matter how hard you try. It’s not possible–DO NOT EVEN ATTEMPT IT.
I feel like I’m stating the blindingly obvious here, but, hell, I hear girls say that stuff so much that sometimes I feel like they need to be reminded of what they probably already know.
Get real, ladies.
You KNOW that there is no preconceived gene planted within a Kuwaiti man (nor any other ethnicity) that compels him to cheat on you just for the hell of it. There’s probably been something wrong with the relationship itself and BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. Yeah, that means that YOU should also look at your part in the relationship and figure out what happened or how things could have led to this. But don’t get me wrong–cheating is still a horrible, nearly unforgivable offense. I’m just saying its not his ETHNIC gene pool that’s to blame.
And, you KNEW he was an ambition-less hypocritical JERK when you first got to know him but because he drives a tiny German boxcar you overlooked it and, now, you’re huffing and puffing all day long about it, pretending like its the biggest shock in the world? Sorry, but no. Not buying it.
And do not even try and tell me that you thought you could change his beliefs, or his habits, or his cultural attitudes. DON’T. Because you know you are lying. You may as well ‘fess up to the fact that there are things about him that you simply can’t live with and that are incompatible with you and your life. What you’re REALLY trying to do is have your cake and eat it too.
The fact of the matter is that there are nice guys and there are full-on jerks. Just like there are nice girls and the WITCHES OF EASTWICK roaming around out there. None of them are exclusive to a certain ethnic make-up.
I have met many women who are in happy, fulfilled, stable marriages and relationships with Kuwaiti men who are smart, kind, and decent. Just like I have also met a good bunch of women who are about to pull their hair out of their heads over the endless heartaches their NON-Kuwaiti counterparts are causing them.
Either way, this all goes to show that the ethnic blame game is actually a Pack-O’-Lies.
What it comes down to is YOU. You choose who you decide to jump into relationships with and you choose to commit your life to certain people and certain lifestyles and not others. Try and escape it all you want but here’s the painful truth (that you already know):
Relying on someone’s nationality, or the car they drive, or the way they speak to rationalize your man-troubles is about as useful as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble-gum. SO STOP CHEWING.
All my love! (and, yeah, I used a Shurooq Amin painting, cause it works perfectly AND its awesome)
