owlolive

Everything that matters to me (and maybe you as well)

Archive for the tag “reality”

09 Aug 2012
4 Comments

Congratulations! You’re Never Going to Be Completely Happy!

Ah, to be a twenty-something, hopeful dreamer in today’s modern world! So many possibilities and doors and opportunities just waiting for us to grasp and turn into money-making, peace-spreading, belly-filling lemonade. It’s all out there for us to behold! Money, family, love, endless happiness!

YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL! ALL!

But, wait, let’s backpedal for a second there, shall we? What about this ‘it’ business? What exactly is this ‘it’ of which we do not only want a slivering slice but, as the beaten dead cliche goes, the whole enchilada? To a feminist (a la moi), ‘having it all’ denotes the most overworked and booo-ring mantra that every feminist is apparently supposed to hard-wire through their skull: That you can both have a successful career AND a truly devoted family life.

Well, speaking as one die-hard feminist (and otherwise normal human being), I’ve got to say that this all sounds like a bunch of absolute boo-hockey to me.

(Now, as a disclaimer, I should let you all know that I’m going to be sharing this point of view mostly from a woman’s perspective. Because, you know, I am one. But still… do read on, dudes! I promise some fine feminist bashing to come which I know you all enjoy.)

Look, no one’s completely and utterly and all-inclusively happy. No one. Not women, not men, not celebrities, not models, not royalty, not politicians, not children, not Disney characters. To assume that there is a universal “it” package which every woman (and possible man) on the planet wants is not only inaccurate but also kinda annoying. Some women are not happy staying at home (oh mon dieu!). Some women are. Some women find their life’s happiness in a worthwhile career. Or in pursuing some deeply artistic but mostly unprofitable ambition. Or in being Holly Housewife. Or even in being alone.

I mean, man or woman, I don’t know any person who’s only ever had one single life goal/dream/ambition to pursue. Yet, for some reason, feminism has sold women on the idea of some “it” package deal which, in reality, can’t really be defined.

And, correct me if I’m wrong but, if you really can’t strictly define a thing then odds are it probably doesn’t exist.

Yup, say it with me ladies and gents: THERE IS NO ‘IT.’ That’s right: complete satisfaction in all aspects of your human life is never going to happen. Say it loud, say it proud!

Now, don’t get me wrong. This post was not made in an attempt to demoralize you, make you pack up all your hopes and dreams in a cardboard box, and inspire you to see life as nothing but an endlessly dark passageway between this world and the next. In fact I’m here to tell you that this is good news. Especially for us women folk.

Because realizing that there is really no specific goal for all females to aspire to (i.e. being both a successful career gal and having a happy family) means that we can now free ourselves from the totally annoying definition of what “being a woman” means.

We can let go of the whole, “Oh! A woman can’t be successful in the workplace unless she’s smarter, tougher, and more dedicated than any of her male colleagues!” Or, “Oh! A woman can’t successfully raise a family unless she sacrifices a bunch of fun stuff and turns herself into a constant caregiver!”

Now we can finally live our lives based upon the fact that no one person is exactly the same as any other person and we can just figure out what works for us and makes us happy specifically. Basically, we can do whatever the hell we want and not feel bad for not achieving this elusive ‘it.’ Which, if you ask me, is as liberating as all get-out.

And, hey, I get it. Knowing that there is probably never going to be a way for women to live the dream both at home and at work totally sucks. No arguments there. But, when it comes down to it, does it even really matter?

All people–men or women–will always have to live their lives based on a series of choices. We all choose to live our lives one way and not another. This sacrifice is all a part of being an adult human being. Sometimes its going to suck and sometimes its not. All that matters is that we are given the right to choose.

Even better? The right to quit feeling bad about not choosing. To be okay with not choosing any pre-packaged, socially accepted concepts of ‘happiness.’ The right for men and women alike to not torture ourselves chasing the imaginary mirage of “having it all.”

All my love!

Posted in Musings, SAY WHAAA...! and tagged , , , , , , , ,
13 Jun 2012
2 Comments

Congratulations: If You Think Racism is “Over” Then You’re Probably a Racist

Look, racists are stupid. And I don’t mean that in the off-hand, meaningless way of saying that a shirt “looks stupid” on you. I mean truly mentally challenged. There’s no other explanation that works for someone who actually believes that the color of someone’s skin or their nationality is going to dictate how they behave, how much money they have, or what kind of person they generally are.

If you believe this on any level then congratulations: you are a racist. If only slightly so. And your level of stupidity is ratio to your level of racism.

Now, as I’ve said, racists are, indeed, pretty darn stupid. In fact their stupidity is so ridiculously overblown that very few things on this earth can actually outmatch them. And perhaps the only thing that is as stupid (if not stupider) than racist people are the people that tell you that racism is “over.” That they think there is no such thing as racism in today’s world. That we’re all just singing Kumbaya with one another now.

Do you know why these people are stupid? It’s because they’ve just revealed how racist they are. And, really, its cute. Because they’re just trying to cloak their racist garbage with pseudo-intellectual arguments and thinking they can get away with it.

Example: I know someone who will take any chance she gets to tell you how there’s nothing wrong with considering someone’s ‘living environment’ (translation: where they live) or their  ‘social background’ (the perception of their race/nationality) before dealing with them. To her, “that’s not racism, that’s caution.” Of course, before she makes these kinds of statements she’ll say something like “I’m not racist or anything, but…”

How freaking adorable is that?

Of course, this person is a racist. And she is, despite her fancy college-level education, very, very stupid.

And, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while or if you actually know me, you know that I love nothing more than using statistical data to back up my social beliefs and ideas. And today I’ve got a good one for you.

Here’s the proof that people who say racism is dead are not only racist, but that they have been completely outsmarted by the internet. All you have to do is look into that endless, scary black hole  in which all of humanity’s deep, dark secrets are stored: Google.

Upon compiling his research, Seth Stephens-Davidowitz (the article’s author) set out to discover if what people were Googling in the time between 2004 and 2007 (so, pre-Obama administration) would affect the way they voted or felt about Barrack Obama.

And guess what? It totally did. Through quantifiable evidence, it showed that the areas with the most “racially charged” Google searches were the ones that Obama did not do so well in during his election. And it wasn’t just the people that Googled ‘the N word’ that had shown this clearly racist strain. There were also areas that were absolutely filled with pseudo-smart Google searches such as: “African American culture” or  “black community.”

And, lo and behold, Obama scored quite low in almost all of those areas as well. Hmm. Maybe it’s because what they actually meant to Google was “why are black people so scary?”

Bottom line: Racism is not dead. It will never die. The same way that weeds will never stop sprouting out of nowhere. You can pluck it out and make sure that it’s gone from this one tiny spot but, sure enough, it will grow back. Whether it’s in the same spot or somewhere else–racism (and weeds) will always grow back.

And, as someone who has been faced with some very horrible racist remarks and treatments on way too many occasions because of my nationality (both in Kuwait and out) I’m kind of insulted whenever I hear someone try to pull any kind of racist garbage in the name of something as ridiculous as “nationalism” or something as cruel as “cultural and traditional respect.” Even if its not directed at me, it so deeply upsets me that it might as well be.

Because there are few things in this world that get me more riled up than knowing people are trying to pass themselves off as something more decent than what they ACTUALLY are: stupid, stupid racists.

All my love! (and Chris Rock is up there to tell you about how racism will always exist no matter what)

Posted in Everywhere Else, Kuwait, Musings, News, SAY WHAAA...! and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
10 Mar 2012
3 Comments

Solving an Algebra Equation by Chewing Bubble-Gum – The Case for (Kuwaiti) Men

I have a lot of girlfriends. Their nationalities are as various and as diverse as their actual personalities are. But a majority of these smart, interesting, and beautiful young women that I proudly call my sister-friends share something in common: They all have experiences with Kuwaiti men.

And, really, it’s not the most far-fetched possibility for any woman who lives in Kuwait to, you know, fall for a Kuwaiti. You’re in Kuwait–an abundant mass of Kuwaiti men is only natural. And while I myself have never gotten involved with a Kuwaiti man (not for any reason, just because) I can definitely see why a lot of women would. Many women might get easily beguiled by a flashy car (lets admit it ladies), a charismatic, masculine attitude, or a combination of the two.

I get it. They’ve got things going for them THAT A LOT OF WOMEN FAWN OVER. And, hey, kudos to them for having them.

But amongst all these women–from the Kuwaitis to the Egyptian to the Shami (i.e Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Palestine) to the American and the British–a common phrase is circulated about their Kuwaiti counterparts: “… that’s just Kuwaiti men.”

So its: “He can’t be faithful, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or: “He’s a lying, chauvinistic hypocrite, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or: “He has no ambition, all he cares about is material things, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.” Or (and this is my favorite): “He only has one thing on his mind, but that’s just Kuwaiti men.”

There are obviously variations to this phrase that have been repeated to me in English as well as in Arabic and a much longer list of similar excuses, but you get the gist.

The point is that I’ve literally heard these kinds of phrases SO MUCH and from SO MANY of my friends (and sometimes even their mothers) that I really feel like it needs to be addressed because, and don’t hate on me here ladies, I’m on the men’s side for once.

I’ll explain later why, but first here are a few ground rules that every relationship-impaired woman must follow:

Repeat after me: You teach people how to treat you. That is the first rule that girls have to understand when embarking upon a relationship with any man, whether he be Kuwaiti, American, or a freaking Martian. If you hold your own set of values highly, anyone will see it and they will respect it. If you cling too tightly to anyone, they’ll feel smothered and try to escape you. If you act like you don’t care whatsoever about anyone but yourself, then whoever deals with you will lose interest QUICK. Simple.

The second rule is: If it feels bad then it probably is. That means if your gut is telling you that there is no compatibility there then its highly likely that there isn’t. If you’re getting bad vibes from the person as far as the nature of their character goes, then you have to overlook the initial attraction to the car, or to the looks, or to the charisma and just walk away. Again, this rule works across the board.

The third and final rule: Don’t track garbage into the house and then wonder why the floor is so dirty. In other words, you get what you ask for. If you meet a guy cruising on Love Street, throwing his number out at every moving object that will have it, then don’t be surprised if the relationship doesn’t exactly end in marriage. And, likewise, if you meet someone who is wildly religious (and I’m not saying that religious men are ‘garbage’) and you enjoy wearing a tank top every now and then, then don’t expect the relationship to be a bed of roses. You can’t change people no matter how hard you try. It’s not possible–DO NOT EVEN ATTEMPT IT.

I feel like I’m stating the blindingly obvious here, but, hell, I hear girls say that stuff so much that sometimes I feel like they need to be reminded of what they probably already know.

Get real, ladies.

You KNOW that there is no preconceived gene planted within a Kuwaiti man (nor any other ethnicity) that compels him to cheat on you just for the hell of it. There’s probably been something wrong with the relationship itself and BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. Yeah, that means that YOU should also look at your part in the relationship and figure out what happened or how things could have led to this. But don’t get me wrong–cheating is still a horrible, nearly unforgivable offense. I’m just saying its not his ETHNIC gene pool that’s to blame.

And, you KNEW he was an ambition-less hypocritical JERK when you first got to know him but because he drives a tiny German boxcar you overlooked it and, now, you’re huffing and puffing all day long about it, pretending like its the biggest shock in the world? Sorry, but no. Not buying it.

And do not even try and tell me that you thought you could change his beliefs, or his habits, or his cultural attitudes. DON’T. Because you know you are lying. You may as well ‘fess up to the fact that there are things about him that you simply can’t live with and that are incompatible with you and your life. What you’re REALLY trying to do is have your cake and eat it too.

The fact of the matter is that there are nice guys and there are full-on jerks. Just like there are nice girls and the WITCHES OF EASTWICK roaming around out there. None of them are exclusive to a certain ethnic make-up.

I have met many women who are in happy, fulfilled, stable marriages and relationships with Kuwaiti men who are smart, kind, and decent. Just like I have also met a good bunch of women who are about to pull their hair out of their heads over the endless heartaches their NON-Kuwaiti counterparts are causing them.

Either way, this all goes to show that the ethnic blame game is actually a Pack-O’-Lies.

What it comes down to is YOU. You choose who you decide to jump into relationships with and you choose to commit your life to certain people and certain lifestyles and not others. Try and escape it all you want but here’s the painful truth (that you already know):

Relying on someone’s nationality, or the car they drive, or the way they speak to rationalize your man-troubles is about as useful as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble-gum. SO STOP CHEWING.

All my love! (and, yeah, I used a Shurooq Amin painting, cause it works perfectly AND its awesome)

Posted in Musings, SAY WHAAA...! and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
21 Feb 2012
1 Comment

An Open Letter to My One True Friend: I Know You’ll Read This At Some Point

I don’t know where to start this little public letter. I know that you read this blog from time to time, and you were outraged that I didn’t mention it to you sooner. But I do know that you check in on it every once in a while.

I want you to know that every thing that you’re feeling is exactly right. You don’t deserve to be treated like a piece of property and you don’t deserve to be torn down for something which was not only not your fault, but was not even a fault at all. I wish I knew what to say to you when I ask you the same solitary question–”how are you?”–and you consistently reply with the even more solitary “bad.”

I wish I had a quick and easy solution to your heartache and I wish I could trade out the horrible people in your life for better ones. I’ve asked you to treat them like furniture and ignore their tireless lies and awful intentions. But I know that’s not possible and I know that you, just like everyone else, have a limit. I hate to think that, at some point, you might find yourself in a compromising position and be forced to choose. And after all you’ve been through, compromise is not what you deserve.

For all your struggle and all your patience and all your dignity through this nightmare, you deserve the most fairy-tale like, Hollywood movie, unbelievably happy ending that anyone could possibly ever afford you. But people have other plans and other ideas and other priorities, and I hate seeing their selfishness step on your happiness.

I have tried talking to people, and I have racked my brain coming up with a solution. From every angle possible and every possible strategy. For some reason, everything seems to come up a little too short or just doesn’t pan out. Every time I think about it, I find myself more and more surprised at the capacity people have at being cruel and selfish and just hateful. I don’t know how I would survive under that condition of mental torture and uncertainty about my own future. I probably wouldn’t. You are stronger than I am and you know it.

But in all that uncertainty and strain that I know has gotten so overwhelming and painful that, by this point, your stomach has probably hollowed itself out from the endless trauma of it all, I want you to know and remember a couple of things.

People lie. They make promises and big plans and give us hope, then they turn their backs on us like we hardly exist. There are things and people in this world who leave us powerless, make us look like liars and feel like garbage, and who can take away the most important things in our lives without losing a second of sleep over it. Sometimes it honestly feels like there is no way to go but down. Sometimes we cannot simply wait for things to get better, because we know they won’t. And even when we know we have people in this world, no matter the number, that love us and care about us, sometimes nothing they can say will ever make us feel better. That’s because we don’t really believe that there’s anything to truly feel better about.

People may tell you that life gets easier. That as you get older and wiser, you know more and you learn more and you have more power. That with time, your age will reward you with more benefits than it does risks. That all the struggles and the tests and endless nights of worrying and trying so hard are the dues you have to pay before you cash-in on the peace and quiet of your hard-won life.

I don’t necessarily believe that, so I will not tell you something that I don’t necessarily believe.

What I believe is that, in life, the struggles and the tests and the trying are simply what they are and nothing more. Sometimes life is happy and sometimes its not. The two are not related. Sometimes you’re lucky and sometimes not so much. Again, not related.

Nothing is for certain. Sometimes your efforts and your patience pay off, and sometimes you’re left even more worn out and unsettled than you were before. There is never a complete guarantee, just a strong hope of one.

All that I know for certain and what I want to remind you of is that you have me and you always will. And I, for whatever my words are worth to you, will not leave you until we get through this. I don’t know what kind of guarantee that promises, but again, like everything else, it is what it is. Make whatever you will of it, but my hope is that it makes you smile if even just a little.

You honestly have all my love.

Posted in Musings and tagged , , , , , ,

Post Navigation

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 51 other followers