owlolive

Everything that matters to me (and maybe you as well)

Archive for the tag “happiness”

30 Apr 2013
3 Comments

You’re Only Really ‘Happy’ When You’re Not ‘Happy.’

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Question: why the hell is the concept of “happy” considered the yardstick for human fulfillment? I mean, really, you guys, who the hell decided that you need to be happy all day every day in order for you to have a successful life? COME ON, WORLD.

This is something that I’ve been thinking about lately because I’ve got a few things piled on my metaphoric ‘Life Plate’ right now and, sometimes, the sheer size and amount of work that needs to be put into these things makes me miserable.

Miserable. As in exclusively and entirely NOT HAPPY. The amount of responsibilities and ambitious goals and just random life stuff I have to deal with has got me running on fumes most of the time. In the first world, privileged, every Bob Dylan song kind of way, I am suffering.

But I’m not panicked about it and, despite all this real frustration, I still genuinely think that I’ve got a good life. A great life even. And you know why? Because the greatest lives are the lives in which you suffer the most.

In a good life you suffer for a lot of the time because the things you are trying to achieve are very meaningful and, at the same time, very, very difficult. Most of the things in the world that bring us real, lasting fulfillment are incredibly hard work and take a lot of sacrifice and downright misery to achieve.

So, raising a child is hard. Climbing the corporate ladder is hard. Starting and managing your own business is hard. Getting a higher degree is hard. Working on a relationship is hard. Creating meaningful artwork is hard. Running a marathon is hard. Keeping a blog filled with quality content that is true to your own voice despite the Negative Nanncies of the world is hard. Writing a freaking book with a looming deadline and crazy pressure is hard.

But the fact that doing all these things is, indeed, very difficult and can be quite miserable most of the time is really NOT the point. It’s the end goal that matters. It’s the nobility of what you’re trying to achieve that counts.

Your minute-by-minute happiness is hardly as important when compared to the ambitiously glorious stuff that’s waiting for you at the end of the tunnel if you just power through all the mucky, grimy, horrible stuff in between. Even if everything royally sucks for you for many years, if you stick it out, you’ll be the better and the happier for it.

So, yeah. Despite all the troubles and toils and endless suffering I may be living in right now, I know that I’ve got a great life. And, odds are, if you’re also suffering then so do you.

All my love!

Posted in Musings and tagged , , , , ,
09 Aug 2012
4 Comments

Congratulations! You’re Never Going to Be Completely Happy!

Ah, to be a twenty-something, hopeful dreamer in today’s modern world! So many possibilities and doors and opportunities just waiting for us to grasp and turn into money-making, peace-spreading, belly-filling lemonade. It’s all out there for us to behold! Money, family, love, endless happiness!

YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL! ALL!

But, wait, let’s backpedal for a second there, shall we? What about this ‘it’ business? What exactly is this ‘it’ of which we do not only want a slivering slice but, as the beaten dead cliche goes, the whole enchilada? To a feminist (a la moi), ‘having it all’ denotes the most overworked and booo-ring mantra that every feminist is apparently supposed to hard-wire through their skull: That you can both have a successful career AND a truly devoted family life.

Well, speaking as one die-hard feminist (and otherwise normal human being), I’ve got to say that this all sounds like a bunch of absolute boo-hockey to me.

(Now, as a disclaimer, I should let you all know that I’m going to be sharing this point of view mostly from a woman’s perspective. Because, you know, I am one. But still… do read on, dudes! I promise some fine feminist bashing to come which I know you all enjoy.)

Look, no one’s completely and utterly and all-inclusively happy. No one. Not women, not men, not celebrities, not models, not royalty, not politicians, not children, not Disney characters. To assume that there is a universal “it” package which every woman (and possible man) on the planet wants is not only inaccurate but also kinda annoying. Some women are not happy staying at home (oh mon dieu!). Some women are. Some women find their life’s happiness in a worthwhile career. Or in pursuing some deeply artistic but mostly unprofitable ambition. Or in being Holly Housewife. Or even in being alone.

I mean, man or woman, I don’t know any person who’s only ever had one single life goal/dream/ambition to pursue. Yet, for some reason, feminism has sold women on the idea of some “it” package deal which, in reality, can’t really be defined.

And, correct me if I’m wrong but, if you really can’t strictly define a thing then odds are it probably doesn’t exist.

Yup, say it with me ladies and gents: THERE IS NO ‘IT.’ That’s right: complete satisfaction in all aspects of your human life is never going to happen. Say it loud, say it proud!

Now, don’t get me wrong. This post was not made in an attempt to demoralize you, make you pack up all your hopes and dreams in a cardboard box, and inspire you to see life as nothing but an endlessly dark passageway between this world and the next. In fact I’m here to tell you that this is good news. Especially for us women folk.

Because realizing that there is really no specific goal for all females to aspire to (i.e. being both a successful career gal and having a happy family) means that we can now free ourselves from the totally annoying definition of what “being a woman” means.

We can let go of the whole, “Oh! A woman can’t be successful in the workplace unless she’s smarter, tougher, and more dedicated than any of her male colleagues!” Or, “Oh! A woman can’t successfully raise a family unless she sacrifices a bunch of fun stuff and turns herself into a constant caregiver!”

Now we can finally live our lives based upon the fact that no one person is exactly the same as any other person and we can just figure out what works for us and makes us happy specifically. Basically, we can do whatever the hell we want and not feel bad for not achieving this elusive ‘it.’ Which, if you ask me, is as liberating as all get-out.

And, hey, I get it. Knowing that there is probably never going to be a way for women to live the dream both at home and at work totally sucks. No arguments there. But, when it comes down to it, does it even really matter?

All people–men or women–will always have to live their lives based on a series of choices. We all choose to live our lives one way and not another. This sacrifice is all a part of being an adult human being. Sometimes its going to suck and sometimes its not. All that matters is that we are given the right to choose.

Even better? The right to quit feeling bad about not choosing. To be okay with not choosing any pre-packaged, socially accepted concepts of ‘happiness.’ The right for men and women alike to not torture ourselves chasing the imaginary mirage of “having it all.”

All my love!

Posted in Musings, SAY WHAAA...! and tagged , , , , , , , ,
26 Mar 2012
11 Comments

Marriage and The Choice of The Matter: To Let or Not to Let?

So, marriage is a big freaking deal. For most people its the end all and be all OF LIFE. Which is fine. Some people want to spend their entire lives trying to come up with medicine or art or business ventures that will benefit the world, and other people want for nothing more than to settle down, start a family, and contribute to society by raising good human beings.

Both are noble causes in their own rights and especially so for women. Yes, if a woman chooses to take up the post of Holly Housewife and give up a career to raise a family she is not stupid. Nor is she cold and masculine if she decides that she wants to dedicate a good chunk of her life to an ambition or a cause. Hell, if a woman decides she wants to swing from trees all day long and call herself Jane of the Jungle, as long as she’s not hurting anyone, it’s cool.

People can advise her, share their opinions, they can even try and entice her with chocolate and shiny things for all I care. BUT! If she still stands by her choice and seems to truly believe in it then they have to back off and allow her to live with her own choice in her own life.

And this is the thing that really, REALLY gets on my nerves about an aspect of Arab (and NON- ISLAMIC) culture: The choice factor when it comes to women and marriage.

Example: I have a friend in Kuwait. She’s Kuwaiti and she knows a certain fella who is also Kuwaiti. They’ve agreed amongst themselves that they want to get married. Cool? Cool.

As is the tradition the man respectfully bought himself and his mother to the girl’s doorstep in order for the families to get rightfully acquainted then he honorably asked for the girl’s hand in marriage from her father.

The man is educated, ambitious, polite, kind, mature, well-off and seems to truly love her. She is also quite fond of him.

But yet the family of the girl declined his offer of marriage and effectively broke their daughter’s heart in doing so.

Now, I know. The family of the girl has every right to not only scrutinize and look into every aspect of the man they might be giving their daughter away to, but they also have complete authority to reject this man if they find something truly wrong with him and find that he is missing an essential quality of what makes a good husband.

That aspect of the culture I have absolutely nothing against. In fact I highly respect it and agree with it in principle.

But in practice, unfortunately, this is not always the case.

You see this man who, for all intents and purposes, has all the makings of a great husband and who my friend has actively and maturely chosen for herself was rejected by her family for the following reasons:

  1. He didn’t live in a posh, hoity-toity, shove-a-stick-up-thy-ass area
  2. His skin color was considerably darker than theirs (OH YEAH.)
  3. His second cousin’s twice removed nephew once had a spat with some one or other in her family
  4. (and this is the kicker) he was not of a “pure-bred” or an a9eel family lineage

YUP.

Now, if you want to be a racist, materialistic, bitter, flat-out idiotic human being that’s your choice. If a girl chooses to marry a guy based on the ludicrously horrible criteria listed above it is also her choice. BUT! If your daughter chooses to marry someone who is pretty much perfect in every way that actually matters, you have to put your personally insane preferences aside and look at the actual person. Because, guess what? At the end of the day, you are not going to be the one who has to marry and live with this choice YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. That would be your daughter.

Are you going to live in the house? Have the babies? Have to look at this person every morning for the rest of your life? If the answer is no to any of these questions then, sorry, you can’t judge based on those external attributes. Say all you want about the respected authority parents have over their children and the Arab traditions, nothing will justify that kind of meddling.

Look, I’m not criticizing Arabs for being materialistic and all that. I’m really not. Everyone on planet Earth is, to a certain extent, materialistic and cares about what people think or say. Whoever says that they are not even slightly so IS A LIAR.

What I am saying is that, if someone was to choose to live a certain way, and by their own standards, without actually hurting themselves or anyone else then they should be allowed that choice.

So if your daughter chooses to try and fly to the moon, let her. And if she chooses to spend her entire life in the pursuit of the world’s most expensive purse, let her. And if she chooses to marry someone who is perfect for her and NOT for you, let her.

All my love!

Posted in Kuwait, Musings, SAY WHAAA...! and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
27 Feb 2012

If It Makes You Happy… – New Poll Reveals More Joy in Poorer Countries

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So apperently we have had it wrong all along. All the time we were trying to emulate the so-called ‘happiness’ of the people on the Forbes-400 list we should’ve been paying more attention to the people on the other side of the spectrum: the poor, impoverished, ‘less fortunate’ people in the world.

At least that’s what this new Ipsos poll seems to be hinting at.

Among 19,000 people from 24 countries were polled on thier level of happiness, and it seems that there’s the most joy to be found in the economically poorer parts of the world like India, Indonesia, and Mexico as opposed to the countries which are traditionally considered to be rich like the US or Saudi Arabia. Apparently after the onset of the financial crisis of 2008 “some 77% of respondents now describe themselves as happy, up three points on 2007, the last year before the crisis. Fully 22% (up from 20%) describe themselves as very happy.”

Now, it’s important to note that these polls are not detailing overall well-being or the quality of life of these people. They’re simply detailing how happy they feel about their lives and their state of affairs. And while you could probably argue against the accuracy of this poll because, at the end of the day, happiness does not have a fixed definition and one person’s idea of happiness could be wildly different from someone else’s, it does make at least one thing clear.

That, if even on a text book, superficial level (which is how we judge most of the glamorous and famous people who look up at us from glossy magazine pages, for example) money is definitely not the key to happiness. Hell, it’s probably not even A KEY at all (although I know there are people in this world who would be glad to fight me on that one).

If this poll reveals anything it’s this: that money actually only helps make you happy in as far as you truly and essentially need it, otherwise it could easily become a source of trouble and disruption because you used it to buy too much of what you already had to begin with.

WA-POW! YODA, WHO?

All my love!

Posted in Musings, News and tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

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