So, this post has been in the works for a few days now. I wanted to take my time writing it because I really didn’t want to offend my male readers or come off as some wannabe self-help hack. As a disclaimer, I think it might be helpful to let you all know right off the bat that I am neither A) a bra-burning, man-hating monster nor B) a condescending bully.
With that said… I think I’m just about ready to bust a cap in some people’s heads!
Look, as my short (and sweet?) ‘About’ page will tell you, I’m a 23 year old female. So, naturally, I know a lot of women in that same “marrying age” bracket. And, knowing women at this age who are not married, you will occasionally and undoubtedly hear one of the following and infuriating variations come out of their mouths:
“I’m too fat/too ugly/too old/too stupid to find a man.“
And, sometimes, they can really dial up the crazy and invert those common ‘woe is me’ phrases to sound something like: “I am too smart/too successful/too outgoing/TOO PRETTY to find a man.“
Oh yes, my friends. Oh yes. Whatever the adjective of choice seems to be, it looks like we women are always just a little “too something” for that Prince Charming of ours.
Well, gosh, are we all positively screwed, or what? Because, and correct me if I’m wrong here, if we are ALWAYS “too” something for someone, then we are also ALWAYS going to be in the blind, endless pursuit of some other quality (negative or positive) that’s going to finally balance us out and unlock the magic doors to Ryan Gosling’s heart. Right?
WRONG. I’m here to burst your bubble ladies: We’ve all been fooled, conned, and freaking lied to. Myself included.
This insane habit every woman has to put herself down based on her “too” factor is something that I’ve personally seen so many women punish themselves over or wear like a piece of armor so many times. It’s either, “Too fat! Gym! Diet! GASTRIC BYPASS!” or “Personal question! Panic! SARCASM!”
Please, ladies, let’s all just cut the crap for a second. Let’s all just try to be real people for once. People who don’t define ourselves by our relation to what anyone else wants. Especially men. Cause you wanna know why? Men couldn’t actually give a flying dingbat about our “too-ness.”
It’s like that equation up there. If I was going to, hypothetically, try to mold myself into some imaginary man’s Perfect Ten, then this would be the equation I’d have to solve and undo. That equation up there displays how I, OwlOlive, am too much or too little of something for some hypothetical person to love.
EXCEPT HOLD THE FRONT DOOR… THAT’S NOT ME. That’s some insane math equation that I, and countless other women, have stuffed in our heads in order to torture ourselves. And even worse? We’ve come up with this equation for no reason whatsoever.
Because the simple truth is that every living, breathing man just wants to be with another living, breathing woman. That’s it.
Who men and women find themselves attracted to is not a matter of intellectual choice, it just happens. So, if men really only wanted to marry women who looked like Angelina Jolie (for example), then all of us regular looking folks would be freaking extinct.
But, wait just a minute there! All I’m seeing around me is regular people and regular couples everywhere! Hmm. Ain’t that a puzzler?
The fact of the matter is that on a very basic level, men and women are all attracted to that one, essential quality: confidence.
But, this is where it might get tricky. And this also when my male readers might start flinging things at me (but I very deeply hope that they don’t). Because, you see, in order to be confident that means you have to also NOT BE weak and helpless. And, a great deal of men (insecure men who are NOTHING like my awesome male readers) need women to remain weak and helpless. Because when you’re weak and helpless there’s no way you’ll ever be in charge. And, right now, men are the ones in charge.
That’s the truth, guys. Agree with it or not, that’s just the way it is.
So, ladies, when we delude ourselves into believing the complete lie that all we have to do is stop being “too” whatever before our Romeo comes along to sweep us off our feet, all we’re actually doing is making ourselves needy and disposable. We’re making ourselves powerless and weak. We are reducing ourselves to unnecessary, harmful, and crazy annoying holograms of people. Not actual people.
And, I’m not a man, but I can’t imagine that any of those qualities are something that any sane, decent, secure, and smart man would want in his future baby-momma.
Maybe we’ll ask my male readers since, you know, they’re the sanest, smartest, securest, MOST ALL AROUND AWESOME guys on this earth?
All my love!