owlolive

Everything that matters to me (and maybe you as well)

Archive for the tag “attraction”

News Flash!: Women Don’t REALLY Care About Muscles

If you were to take a glance into any gym or health club anywhere within the Kuwaiti border you would find nearly every single one teeming with hulking men, dieing to do whatever it takes to look as buff and as muscular as humanly possible (which includes filling themselves silly with crazy harmful steroids).

And, besides the fact that many men think that Arnold Schwarzenegger in his Terminator phase is the coolest image in cinematic history, guys usually aspire so highly towards achieving the “legs coming out of my shoulders” look because they think that this is what a woman wants or is attracted to.

Well, this new study on the nature of monogamous relationships is here to burst your bubble, guys. Turns out that when it comes down to choosing a serious, life-long partner most women will skip the ripped dudes whose abs may resemble a brick wall, in favor of the scrawny, geekier looking fella. That’s because, through generational and social conditioning, men who are smaller or less muscular in physical build have been attributed with more loyal, sensitive, and nurturing characteristics than the guys who might look like a modern day Hercules.

And, apparently, this is not actually news. It’s been going on since humans decided to form the very first kind of social group thousands of years ago.

Now, the story goes that, in the beginning, the men who possessed features which included a more muscular physique (and perhaps a chiseled jawline) were the ones who were initially wrangling all the ladies. Wanting a cut of the action, the less physically capable guys tried to find a way to make themselves valuable to women as well, and so they decided to each dedicate themselves to one single woman. This was, of course, very different from what the other, more “Alpha” looking males were doing. Instead, those guys were usually way too busy “scoring,” “playing the field,” and embodying every other sports-related term for male promiscuity.

And, as they became more exposed to these two very different types of males, an increasing number of women found themselves finally choosing the physical qualities in a man which signified loyalty, sensitivity, and monogamous commitment. And those physical qualities belonged to the men who had the more dainty, less muscular figures as opposed to the ones who looked like they belonged in a Calvin Klein ad.

So for all you steroid inhaling, gym-rats out there: take note. Because even when some women may agree that they may find themselves more initially and physically attracted to a man who packs a few guns (although not a guy who looks like his muscles might explode out of his skin), the reality is that, in the long-run, its the guys who are little more scrawny or perhaps a bit more awkwardly nerdy that usually come out on top.

All my love!

I Am Not Me (I Am Some Imaginary Person’s Image of Perfection)

So, this post has been in the works for a few days now. I wanted to take my time writing it because I really didn’t want to offend my male readers or come off as some wannabe self-help hack. As a disclaimer, I think it might be helpful to let you all know right off the bat that I am neither A) a bra-burning, man-hating monster nor B) a condescending bully.

With that said… I think I’m just about ready to bust a cap in some people’s heads!

Look, as my short (and sweet?) ‘About’ page will tell you, I’m a 23 year old female. So, naturally, I know a lot of women in that same “marrying age” bracket. And, knowing women at this age who are not married, you will occasionally and undoubtedly hear one of the following and infuriating variations come out of their mouths:

“I’m too fat/too ugly/too old/too stupid to find a man.

And, sometimes, they can really dial up the crazy and invert those common ‘woe is me’ phrases to sound something like: “I am too smart/too successful/too outgoing/TOO PRETTY to find a man.

Oh yes, my friends. Oh yes. Whatever the adjective of choice seems to be, it looks like we women are always just a little “too something” for that Prince Charming of ours.

Well, gosh, are we all positively screwed, or what? Because, and correct me if I’m wrong here, if we are ALWAYS “too” something for someone, then we are also ALWAYS going to be in the blind, endless pursuit of some other quality (negative or positive) that’s going to finally balance us out and unlock the magic doors to Ryan Gosling’s heart. Right?

WRONG. I’m here to burst your bubble ladies: We’ve all been fooled, conned, and freaking lied to. Myself included.

This insane habit every woman has to put herself down based on her “too” factor is something that I’ve personally seen so many women punish themselves over or wear like a piece of armor so many times. It’s either, “Too fat! Gym! Diet! GASTRIC BYPASS!” or “Personal question! Panic! SARCASM!”

Please, ladies, let’s all just cut the crap for a second. Let’s all just try to be real people for once. People who don’t define ourselves by our relation to what anyone else wants. Especially men. Cause you wanna know why? Men couldn’t actually give a flying dingbat about our “too-ness.”

It’s like that equation up there. If I was going to, hypothetically, try to mold myself into some imaginary man’s Perfect Ten, then this would be the equation I’d have to solve and undo. That equation up there displays how I, OwlOlive, am too much or too little of something for some hypothetical person to love.

EXCEPT HOLD THE FRONT DOOR… THAT’S NOT ME. That’s some insane math equation that I, and countless other women, have stuffed in our heads in order to torture ourselves. And even worse? We’ve come up with this equation for no reason whatsoever.

Because the simple truth is that every living, breathing man just wants to be with another living, breathing woman. That’s it.

Who men and women find themselves attracted to is not a matter of intellectual choice, it just happens. So, if men really only wanted to marry women who looked like Angelina Jolie (for example), then all of us regular looking folks would be freaking extinct.

But, wait just a minute there! All I’m seeing around me is regular people and regular couples everywhere! Hmm. Ain’t that a puzzler?

The fact of the matter is that on a very basic level, men and women are all attracted to that one, essential quality: confidence.

But, this is where it might get tricky. And this also when my male readers might start flinging things at me (but I very deeply hope that they don’t). Because, you see, in order to be confident that means you have to also NOT BE weak and helpless. And, a great deal of men (insecure men who are NOTHING like my awesome male readers) need women to remain weak and helpless. Because when you’re weak and helpless there’s no way you’ll ever be in charge. And, right now, men are the ones in charge.

That’s the truth, guys. Agree with it or not, that’s just the way it is.

So, ladies, when we delude ourselves into believing the complete lie that all we have to do is stop being “too” whatever before our Romeo comes along to sweep us off our feet, all we’re actually doing is making ourselves needy and disposable. We’re making ourselves powerless and weak. We are reducing ourselves to unnecessary, harmful, and crazy annoying holograms of people. Not actual people.

And, I’m not a man, but I can’t imagine that any of those qualities are something that any sane, decent, secure, and smart man would want in his future baby-momma.

Maybe we’ll ask my male readers since, you know, they’re the sanest, smartest, securest, MOST ALL AROUND AWESOME guys on this earth? ;)

All my love!

Priorities Make The World Go Around: Why Marriages in Kuwait Keep Ending

Well, it’s official: the odds of your marriage working out in Kuwait can no longer be determined by a coin toss. Now you can have the reassuring pleasure of knowing that a damning 60% of all marriages in Kuwait end in divorce.

Shocker.

Look, let’s not beat around the bush here: we all know Kuwait has something of a problem when it comes to domestic management. The problem has now grown into a festering, contagious sore that has worked itself into a lot of societal aspects that are both inside and outside the home. These problems can all probably be summed up concisely in the following word: misprioritization.

As in we have completely missed the priority train. Especially the ‘Marriage’ trolley car. And, yes, I’m totally committing to this train metaphor.

Point is! These horrifying statistics for failed marriages in Kuwait are not a surprise and, really, will only continue to increase unless we wise up and cut it out with the harmfully pressurizing, and, let’s admit it, pretty damn annoying social habits. The most annoying of which include:

  • Making women feel like they have an expiration date and so they MUST marry by a certain age or else, I don’t know, their milk will go sour?
  • Choosing your future spouse based upon how fancy-shmancy their car is, the amount of money they have in the bank, their last name, THEIR RACIAL LINEAGE. You know, your basic pointless and borderline elitist/racist stuff.
  • Women making money their end goal, and men making, well, as the article put it, “physical intimacy” theirs.
  • The belief that two people don’t need to be engaged for an extended period of time before tieing the knot. A year is about as acceptable as it usually gets. This is especially harmful in traditional marriages in which the two people don’t really know squat about one another.
  • Men being expected to afford a wedding and a forthcoming lifestyle that is fitting of freaking royalty. Therefore being forced to take out loans and bury himself in debt from the get-go, and basically starting the marriage off on a wonderfully easy, carefree, and so not bitter note.
  • Having babies a second after you get married.

Obviously the list is a lot longer and, of course, does not apply to every single married couple in Kuwait. These are just a few of the problems that I’ve heard of and witnessed for myself a number of times.

But here’s the bottom line: the culprit behind that sad statistic is undoubtedly our severely misplaced priorities.

Married couples (or people thinking about becoming a married couple) need to get one thing straight: marriage is not a game. In fact, it’s more like a freaking battlefield. A lovely, exciting, and worthwhile battlefield (for some), but a battlefield nonetheless. Just because you have money or status or physical attraction does not mean you’re going to survive the war.

And if that’s ALL you have then forget about it.

Contrary to what a certain government campaign will tell you, marriage should NOT come first. What should is education, independent life experiences, career development, emotional and intellectual maturity, living compatibility, and about a hundred other things.

Once all of those little tidbits are worked out completely THEN we can start considering something as serious as a total life commitment to a single person every day for the rest of your time on this planet.

So, for all the sacred, beautiful bonds (and immense responsibilities) which marriage represents, please get your priorities straight, guys. And maybe don’t listen to the government all the time.

All my love!

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