owlolive

Everything that matters to me (and maybe you as well)

Archive for the category “Musings”

19 May 2013
2 Comments

Screw You, Cancer!

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Cancer has been a persistent factor in my life since before I was even born. My aunt died of it, my grandma died of it, my closest friend in high school died of it, my grandfather almost died of it, and now I know three people who are en route to dieing of cancer.

Cancer is an axe that’s been hanging over my head and my sisters’ head and my mother’s head since literally forever because, as luck would have it, we all share a mutantly rare genetic possibility of dieing of breast cancer. Me and my sisters each have a 1 in 4 chance, and my mother has a 1 in 2 chance. So, basically, the odds have royally screwed us and the higher likelihood is that breast cancer is going to be claiming one of us for sure at some point.

We’ve each suffered multiple cancer scares in our lifetimes and my mother now has a chronic, deep-seated fear of mammograms, hospitals, and anything that vaguely resembles the word ‘cancer’ (answer, dancer, prancer: very scary words for my mother). Somewhere in the deep, dark corners of our mind a part of us is waiting for that axe to drop because we’ve all seen it happen so many times.

And to those of you who have thankfully never been through such a harrowing experience and so don’t know what I mean by ‘seen it happen,’ here’s the basic gist:

Seeing someone die of cancer does not, by any means, look like a movie or a TV show or even a well-intentioned PSA. Nope. Listening to the breaths of someone you love getting so slow and so heavy that inhaling and exhaling literally begins to physically hurt them is something you can never ever, ever prepare yourself for. Never. Because seeing cancer is seeing the surgery scars, the exhaustion of chemo, and the sky-high (and usually crippling) medical expenses. Seeing cancer is seeing the toll it takes on every single relationship you have and seeing someone live in fear of the fact that there’s a good chance they are going to die very soon.

Living in the ‘Cancer Death Bubble’ is like living in the slowest, most horrible purgatory you could ever possibly imagine and wanting nothing more on this planet but to leave that purgatory. Except for one thing: to never ever leave that purgatory. Because once you leave that purgatory, it’s over. The person is over. Your grandparents and aunts and uncles and mother and father and sister and best friend are all over. And all you have to do now is go home without them.

So, I guess no one ever told cancer that my mother would suffer with self-guilt issues for the rest of her life because her sister and mother died suddenly and prematurely and all while she was about to give birth. I guess no one told cancer that I would’ve really liked to have gotten to know my grandmother and to get some great stories and life lessons and endless love out of her. That my friend was only 17 and had an entire lifetime left to live. That my aunt would never get to know her only son who she had to leave mother-less at one years old. Couldn’t someone have told cancer about any of these things? Cancer, you’re fired.

But, of course, the reality is that none of these things matter at all. Which is why me and my sisters and my mother have to deal with the constant and very real possibility that one of us might have breast cancer at this very minute. And to that I say: screw you, cancer!

Screw you for killing my grandparents and other people’s parents and other people’s children and for probably killing me one day. Screw you for not giving a flying dingbat about whether or not someone is nice or mean or good or evil or boring or ugly or pretty or if someone’s daughter or son are going to suffer for their whole entire life because of you. Screw you for just taking people and time and money away. Screw you for making women like Angelina Jolie resort to these measures just to save her children and herself from you. Screw you for being nothing more than a weird organ failure and mutant cell growth instead of something real that I can be mad at. Screw you for surrounding me and my family and so many other people in the world with this feeling of heavy, sad, deep absence that never really goes away.

So, yeah. Screw you, cancer. And screw you most of all because saying ‘screw you’ doesn’t even help.

Posted in Musings, SAY WHAAA...! and tagged , , ,
19 May 2013
2 Comments

Introducing ‘Screw You!’ Week

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This is going to be about as straight and plain of a post as you’re probably ever going to read on this blog. Because the basic fact of the matter is that things have just sucked lately. Not in any deeply tragic, ‘please send your donations here’ kind of way but there’s just been a serious happy, fun vibe deficiency going around lately.

And while I know that in many ways current unhappiness is actually the key to to eventual happiness, I figure purging some of that toxic crap out of your system doesn’t hurt either.

So, this week I’m going to do just that. I’m going to purge. Purge endlessly and gloriously about ALL THE CRAP.

Big crap, small crap, petty crap, meaningful crap, specific crap, general crap, and all your other basic craps. And I’m going to take all these various craps, sit them down in the naughty corner, and flagrantly shout ‘Screw you!’ at them all week long. And, come weekend time, I will hopefully be fully purged and back to my normally surly but mostly sunny old self. Hoorah!

So, it is with great relief and zero real explanation that I bring you ‘Screw You!’ Week. A week entirely devoted to desperate emotional cleansing and unabashed mental purging which, really, we all need to do from time to time in order to retain our sanity.

Some of you will think its whiny. Some of you will think it’s refreshing. Hopefully most of you will land somewhere within a manageable middle. Whichever way you go, I hope you stick around and maybe even join in the glorious purging fun (email me your angry woes and, in honor of this week, I will be more than happy to post them here if you’re so inclined).

And, y’know, I usually sign all my posts with the proverbial ‘All my love!’ because I like to leave you all with a sense that I’m not some evil, negative troll monger but merely a concerned, slightly snarky individual who watches too much George Carlin.

But I’m not going to do that this week, and that’s mostly because I do not love any of The Crap I’m going to talk about.

So hang on to your metaphorical seats and, for the last time this week: All my love!

Posted in Musings, SAY WHAAA...!
30 Apr 2013
3 Comments

You’re Only Really ‘Happy’ When You’re Not ‘Happy.’

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Question: why the hell is the concept of “happy” considered the yardstick for human fulfillment? I mean, really, you guys, who the hell decided that you need to be happy all day every day in order for you to have a successful life? COME ON, WORLD.

This is something that I’ve been thinking about lately because I’ve got a few things piled on my metaphoric ‘Life Plate’ right now and, sometimes, the sheer size and amount of work that needs to be put into these things makes me miserable.

Miserable. As in exclusively and entirely NOT HAPPY. The amount of responsibilities and ambitious goals and just random life stuff I have to deal with has got me running on fumes most of the time. In the first world, privileged, every Bob Dylan song kind of way, I am suffering.

But I’m not panicked about it and, despite all this real frustration, I still genuinely think that I’ve got a good life. A great life even. And you know why? Because the greatest lives are the lives in which you suffer the most.

In a good life you suffer for a lot of the time because the things you are trying to achieve are very meaningful and, at the same time, very, very difficult. Most of the things in the world that bring us real, lasting fulfillment are incredibly hard work and take a lot of sacrifice and downright misery to achieve.

So, raising a child is hard. Climbing the corporate ladder is hard. Starting and managing your own business is hard. Getting a higher degree is hard. Working on a relationship is hard. Creating meaningful artwork is hard. Running a marathon is hard. Keeping a blog filled with quality content that is true to your own voice despite the Negative Nanncies of the world is hard. Writing a freaking book with a looming deadline and crazy pressure is hard.

But the fact that doing all these things is, indeed, very difficult and can be quite miserable most of the time is really NOT the point. It’s the end goal that matters. It’s the nobility of what you’re trying to achieve that counts.

Your minute-by-minute happiness is hardly as important when compared to the ambitiously glorious stuff that’s waiting for you at the end of the tunnel if you just power through all the mucky, grimy, horrible stuff in between. Even if everything royally sucks for you for many years, if you stick it out, you’ll be the better and the happier for it.

So, yeah. Despite all the troubles and toils and endless suffering I may be living in right now, I know that I’ve got a great life. And, odds are, if you’re also suffering then so do you.

All my love!

Posted in Musings and tagged , , , , ,
20 Apr 2013

On Chasing Salmon (Or Writing The Tinderbox Project)

MR. PLOT

As you guys may know, a few months ago I decided to start sharing with you all some of my creative writing in a fiction series called The Tinderbox Project. This was a piece of writing that I came up with specifically for this blog and for you guys. The series has recieved so much love in emails, comments, and elsewhere, and I’m so pleased to see people take a real liking to it.

Unfortunately, the last time I updated The Tinderbox Project was 4 months ago. 4 months is a very long time. 4 months is damn near inexcusable because I’ve actually been writing the series for a lot of that duration. Yes, there was a brief stint of writer’s block but, really, I’ve gotten my writing legs back a good while ago and have been tirelessly churning out the creative word power ever since.

The only reason I haven’t updated The Tinderbox Project yet despite all the progress is this:

The more I write it the more that it loses the plot. Seriously. The more time and energy I invest in this fiction the more that its been proving itself to be an independent life form of its own. I know that sounds stupid–and IT IS stupid because ‘Hi! You wrote it with your own finger-tapping hands!‘–but writing The Tinderbox Project has honestly become a sort of transcendental experience for me.

A very deeply frustrating, difficult, transcendental experience. Especially when it comes to this plot business. I compare it to trying to grab a salmon. A big, wet, unwieldy salmon. The more I clutch at it and try to get a hold of it, the more it slips out of my fingers and I go chasing after it in anger yet again.

But now I’ve decided I’m not going to try to catch the salmon anymore. Instead, I’m just going to share it with you guys and follow it into whatever murky water it takes me.

But how in the world am I (or you!) supposed follow a plot when the plot disappears for pages on end? In reading and writing The Tinderbox Project, I kind of feel like the text is sticking its tongue out at me and at my familiar way of understanding plot. It is as if an outside voice is saying: What a mess you’ve made of everything by always harping on story, story, story! Because the reality is that our actual perceptual and thinking lives are so much more unpredictable, kaleidoscopic, unaccented, wandering, and always bumping against an outside world that, for the most part, doesn’t really know anything about us.

We all think that we muse constantly about our love lives, our jobs, our children or our dead parents, but is that really the case? Isn’t our actual thinking much more coincidental, serendipitous, filled with eddies and flows, with all kinds of random materials, than we care to admit? How much weight does ‘the important stuff’ really carry?

I mean, try comparing the version of yourself which exists in your résumé with the drifting, random noise that is incessantly being produced inside your head, and ask yourself: Is this noise me? Am I this noise? Where are the clean lines that I see on my résumé?

Or, try focusing on all the big, important events of your life, and mix those events with your actual living. You won’t get very far before you get overwhelmed by all the stuff about yourself that you never knew or even thought of.

You’ll either get run over by a passing car, or completely ignore those around you, or you’d just have to table ‘the big story’ (youth, love, work, family, death, etc.) so you can move on with your day. Because, after all, there’s work to do, places to go, people to deal with, money to make, food to eat, living to accomplish.

True enough. I mean, some of the best stories ever told are ones that very lovingly dwell on ‘the big story’; but how much space do those aspects of your life truly take up? If you had to draw a huge chart of all the time you actually spend tending to the needs of either heart or soul—as opposed to stomach or wallet—what would that chart look like?

Is your life like a structured plot line? A pretend scenario where only important things happen, where you are only ever thinking about the great issues, where every encounter is life-altering, every word exchanged is meaningful and resonant, every gesture significant?

No. Because life is not like that. And if life is not like that, then why the hell should my writing be any different?

So I’m going back to sharing The Tinderbox Project with you guys. And I’m officially jumping on this crazy roller-coaster ride with all those who care enough to join me.

All my love!

Posted in Beautiful, Musings, Writing and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment
15 Apr 2013
6 Comments

Basma Sultan Is Funny! (And So Are You!)

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Y’know there’s this overarching myth that’s been following women around since the beginning of jokes, comedy, and possibly even since the first chortling grunt laugh of our Neanderthal ancestors. Y’know, the one that proclaims female, estrogen-makin’, bird brains are just not that funny. Why, you ask? Well, because psychological half-science a’course! I mean, look, according to all kinds of ‘studies’ men are just the funnier gender, okay? Women are just biologically incapable of making you laugh anywhere near as strongly as a dude with an ‘edgy’ joke! It’s fact.

COOL STORY, BROS. TELL IT AGAIN.

Look, I take no issue with these kinds of studies per se. They’re just a collection of data that proves that no one laughs at women’s jokes and no one thinks women are funny. What irks me is the overbearingly sexist insinuation these studies make. Which is that women might just be biologically less funny than men.

Of course, they never go so far as saying that explicitly because they would then be burdened by the need for biological evidence WHICH WOULD PROVE THEY ARE DOWNRIGHT BONKERS. Instead they make light references to pop psychology here and there and say that these findings may have “something” to do with the way women are socialized.

To which I say: No, no. It has EVERYTHING to do with the way all women are socialized everywhere.

I mean, consider it from a local angle and look at how most Arab women are conditioned both within Kuwait and elsewhere. Girls are born into a social environment which is, for the most part, explicitly telling them that if they ever hope to be considered as desirable they have to remain modest (translate: quiet) and pliable no matter what, and that they should never ever bruise a man’s ego by seriously outsmarting or outshining him. If you’re the kind of girl that sits still and smiles at everything everyone says you’re ‘tharba’ (put-together). If you’re the kind of girl who always makes sharp, witty, off-hand remarks and cracks jokes in a confidently unapologetic tone then, more often than not, you’re about the last thing from being “tharba.”

Oh, but psychology says? Well, I guess we’re done here. I mean, it certainly couldn’t be all those ingrained social customs of what constitutes a desirable, potential wife and what constitutes a yucky, she-man telling people how to judge a woman as soon as she so much as attempts to make a knock-knock joke. No? Psychology? ‘Kay.

Fine. You know what? They’re right. Most women are not funny. But that’s because most PEOPLE are not funny. Being a funny person with strong comedic timing is a learned artistic skill. In order to be funny you need to teach yourself to be outspoken, unapologetically honest, very self-confident, and absolutely REFUSE to humor people. And, well, these traits are not exactly the traits we foster in our little girls (and even our adult, women-folk).

Instead, we go with mistrust of other women, a crazy obsession with needlessly expensive junk, and the idea that, when it really comes down to it, being pretty is a lot more important than being smart. The reason no one laughs at women’s jokes is because, to most people, they don’t read as jokes. They read as uncomfortable confessions or socially awkward comments. Because our society teaches girls that they need to always work on attaining perfection 24/7.

A man’s ideas are just as important as his body. A man is encouraged to be bold and speak his mind candidly. A woman is told that, while her ideas may matter on some level, they are not nearly as important as the need to perfect her physical body at all times. A woman is told that she needs to re-re-re-RE-think every step and utterance she makes lest she be considered as anything less than “tharba.”

And all these crazy, unnatural, socially constructed outlines are the very reason why I was nothing short of delighted when I first saw Basma Sultan’s “Dine With Basma” segment on Bel Mokhba’s YouTube channel.

For one thing, Basma Sultan is a very funny woman. She has the kind of raw, candid humor that you really only share among the closest of friends. She doesn’t think twice about embracing the awkward things that everyone is already thinking about and turning them into a joke we can all laugh at (the free food, the passing bus, the self-promotion). Her charm is in her off-beat, bubbly personality that is outspoken and entirely genuine. She laughs at what frustrates her just as much as she laughs at what amuses her. You laugh with Basma Sultan because Basma Sultan knows how to tell the best kind of joke. The kind that naturally and easily rolls of the tongue like that’s how she really talks all the time. And I bet she does. I bet Basma Sultan is just as genuine and carefree and hilariously outspoken in reality as she is in that video.

I don’t know of many women in Arab media who are willing to speak so candidly, embrace their personality so openly, and so confidently and easily navigate from one joke to the next on a public platform as well as she does. In that way, Basma Sultan is a freaking relic. She is extremely rare. And its so awesome to see her in action like that.

But, hey, I know plenty of other funny Arab women. Hell, I’m a funny Arab woman. And I know that if all these comedically gifted ladies take Basma’s route and decide that they actually don’t give a flying dingbat what anyone thinks and just start to confidently embrace their personalities (which happen to be funny as hell) the rest of the world will totally know it too. Even more importantly, they’ll grow to love it.

All my love!

Posted in Feminism, Kuwait, Musings, SAY WHAAA...! and tagged , , , ,
25 Mar 2013
2 Comments

I Want To Make You Move.

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This is a post that has probably been in the making since the earliest stages of this blog’s creation. Its been a question that I’ve asked myself from the very start and that I don’t think I’ve been able to pin down an exact answer to up until ten minutes ago. Because now I think I’ve got an answer.

See, the question was this: What kind of blog is ‘OwlOlive’? I mean, there are fashion blogs, technology blogs, food blogs, news blogs, personal blogs, commercial blogs, “lifestyle” blogs (someone please define this term for me. It seems way too vague for me to wrap my head around.), and a trillion other kinds of blogs in the world. Everyone is trying to find a specific niche to define themselves within. And that’s fair. In fact, that’s totally smart.

When you define what is, more or less, your prime objective behind your own blog, you are informing your readers of what they should most expect from you. And bloggers owe that to their readers. For every reader that gives this humble blog the time of day and invests their own energy in me and my words, I owe that explanation. When I read a blog I expect to feel at least mildly rewarded for spending my time there or otherwise that blogs loses me as a reader. In that same way, you deserve to know what OwlOlive.com’s pay-off is for you.

And I’m sorry I haven’t given you guys that explanation yet. I think that saying this is a blog about “everything that matters to me” is, at best, a vague, slightly misleading premise and, at worst, a self-involved and arrogant ascription. I don’t like either of those ideas. And, to be entirely frank, its not really what I’m trying to do anyway.

I mean, sure, the issues and the topics that I talk about do matter to me VERY VERY MUCH and, in most cases, are derived out of personal experiences and personal ideas. In fact, I’ve made a few posts on this blog that revolve entirely around a certain experience I have actually had in my own life (although those aren’t the norm). I’m not being at all disingenuous when I say I post about “everything that matters to me” because that is entirely true.

But I’ll be the first to admit that “everything that matters to me” is probably the same “everything” that matters to almost all people on this earth. We all care about issues of family, traditions, social life, gender dynamics, political rights, culture, innovation, and the “everything” that indeed does matter to me (and maybe most probably you as well). I’m not talking about anything special or even obscure here. OwlOlive.com talks about the same, obvious, everyday schmaltz that we all talk about all the freaking time.

That’s actually the reason I’m so consistently surprised by the fact that so many people are interacting with this blog and are reading and commenting and investing valuable time in it. But now, after all this time, I think I’ve finally figured out what it is I’ve always been trying to do with this blog and what I think may have caught your attention (for which I am forever grateful and humbled):

The main objective behind this blog is, really, to make people’s minds move.

Beyond sharing experiences, lending support, highlighting important people, and talking about important issues, I want our minds to consider the same things in a new way, which is not something that our minds have ever naturally chosen to do. Our minds are set up to mostly just sit around and listen to stuff. That’s really the basic function of our mind. But I’ve always thought it was really important to somehow get past this initial stage and make our minds move in a way they may have never moved before. Make them move around the same issues and ideas and the same overall mental landscapes they’ve always lived in, but this time maybe through a different route.

Now, I could’ve either done this in one of two ways: I could’ve presented something entirely bizarre, mysterious, and completely new to you; OR I could’ve just pushed the same, age-old material around in a different (or different-ish) way by simply reconfiguring the representation of this material in word to word sentences. In most cases, I find myself going for the second option.

That’s the pay-off I’m offering you. In exchange for the time you guys graciously give me when you read my posts, write me emails, and make lengthy comments which I so deeply appreciate, my hope is to inspire you guys to do what I think is the most exciting thing a human can possibly do with their head: Move. I want you to embrace the fluidity of your own mind even when it comes to things you may already know or recognize. Essentially and beyond anything else, that is my biggest hope and aspiration for OwlOlive.com.

So if I have to decide on a single niche on which to sell the basic idea behind this blog (like those of you who sell your blogs as tech, or food, or fashion, or lifestyle blogs), it would be something along the lines of a “moving” blog (UGH. How hippy-dippy presumptuous does this sound? Will re-edit once I find a better word). A blog that, despite the slogan, aims to move you so much more than it does me (or whatever matters to me anyway).

All my love!

Posted in Blogosphere, Kuwait, Musings and tagged , ,
19 Mar 2013
5 Comments

To My Smart, Motivated, Single Friend (or 7 Reasons to NOT Marry)

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So, when I was in college I made a really, really good friend. She was the kind of friend who was so ambitiously motivated about her goals and dreams that, in many ways, she made those around her equally motivated and pumped up about their own lives. Even after we’ve graduated, she’s still resilient about making something of herself and achieving her own set of meaningful life plans.

In under two years she’s learned to fluently read and speak in Russian (because she’s a Russian literature enthusiast and wants to pursue higher education in the field); she’s involved in pretty much every humanitarian and activist volunteer work that Kuwait has to offer (she recently landed a killer gig with the UNDP); and she juggles the toils and pressures that come with working a full-time job. This woman is, by all standards, the personification of girl power. She literally oozes with crazy potential and meaningful ambition.

But, here’s the thing: my friend is in her mid-twenties and she’s unmarried. So, of course, none of her hopes or dreams or personal choices in this world really matter as much as, y’know, finding a fella (preferably with an umbrella). Because, clearly, in the year 2013, Arabs are still talking about a woman and judging her like a carton of skimmed milk with a nearing expiration date. So… progress.

Yep, on a routine and weekly basis I receive a number of heartbreaking texts and phone calls from this damn near superwoman because her family, despite all her pride-worthy achievements and ambitions, will not stop bullying her into feeling like a shriveled up spinster of one hundred and ten. Instead of supporting her and helping her embrace her young, bright, and motivated spirit, my friend has to deal with her closest family members telling her she’s damaged goods on a daily basis and she’s still in her mid-twenties.

The sadder thing is that this isn’t even just about my friend. I have a ton of other friends from all over who are, unfortunately, bagged on (in measures of various subtlety) by their social circles, their families, and, hell, just random ol’ strangers for not hunkering down and popping children out by the time they hit 21. And while I personally have hopped off the ‘Singledom Death Train’ many moons ago and, thankfully, was never surrounded by family or friends who would bring that destructive thinking into my life anyway, I feel for you, sister-friends.

So, in celebration of my friend and all the women (and, hell, even men) like her who are just as smart, passionate, motivated and, yes, single, and who quietly suffer with the age-old Arab notions of ‘marriage deadlines,’ let me lend some support and remind you all of the very good reasons why you are probably NOT married.

1. You Are Focused On Your Career – If you’re a woman, SOME people will call you names and leer at you for doing this because you haven’t apologized for choosing a lifestyle which includes doing something other than being a pretty, quiet (translate: ‘modest’) baby maker. Thankfully, most sane humans in the world call this being alive in 2013, so don’t sweat it.

2. You’ve Got Standards – Sure, you could’ve married Mr. “I just don’t like your siblings.” Or Mr. “I want you to change everything about your lifestyle to suit me and my family.” Or Mr. “I just don’t think women have ever really done anything.” Or even Mr. “I only cheated on you once.” But you realized that you could do better and that you’d much rather be alone and settled in your own skin than be in a lifelong relationship that royally sucks. So you didn’t marry him, even though you probably could have.

3. You (or Your Significant Other) Can’t Afford Marriage – Look, let’s get real: anyone who thinks marriage requires little to no money is living in banana-land. Marriage is the most expensive club membership you will ever pay. And, in many cases, it’s not even that women don’t want to get married as much as it is the guys who don’t think they have enough cash to propose and make other big, adult life commitments. Unfortunately, the magic love potion that can convince a man that you seriously don’t care if he’s broke is yet to be invented. We live in a world where men are still expected to out-earn women, even though the woman might have a great job that can support both people. Plus, I once heard that the average price of a wedding in Kuwait is somewhere in the neighborhood of 30,000 KD. Yes, you read that right.

4. You’ve Got a Full, Wonderful Life, Filled with Equally Wonderful People – If some awesome fella does happen to waltz into your life then that’s totally cool, but you are honestly just not sweating it. Why? Because you’ve already got an awesome life. A life filled with adventures and loving phone calls and hilarious friends and books and shopping sprees and OH MY GOD TRIPLE CHOCOLATE ICE-CREAM. Even when you really are down about something (as does happen to all humans, even the non-single ones), you’ve got a million friends and family members you can call to cheer you up. This is because you’ve spent time and energy nurturing all of your relationships, not just the potentially matrimonial kind. Kudos to you!

5. Monogamy Is Not Your Thing – I know, I know. I’m going into dangerously taboo territory here. But hear me out. As it turns out, there are people (both men and women) who really don’t have the genetic make-up to withstand monogamy for sustained periods of time and that’s some legit, DNA, honest-to-God science talk. There really are men and women in this world who are biologically pre-disposed towards polygamy and I think that people shouldn’t be judged for being whatever way they were created. The reason we don’t have many respectable models of these kinds of people is because, really, cheaters are complete and utter jerks. Cheating on someone is a truly despicable thing to do no matter what. But, either way, if you feel like you might have a polygamous tendency it might be something worth taking into consideration when it comes to marriage.

6. You Have Unresolved, Personal Issues - Hey, look, it’s fine. We all have our own personal hang-ups. I mean, if you’re actually taking the time to deal with your personal problems and your trouble-spots before embarking on a super serious relationship, then you’re actually doing the responsible thing. If you just shovel your issues under the rug and put on a fake Mrs. Perfect face then you are not doing yourself or your partner any favors. Getting through your own set of baggage is no easy feat and will definitely not happen overnight, so make sure you take the necessary time to completely move past whatever it is you think is hanging you up in your own head. Don’t rush it because of some invented standard age by which everyone keeps saying you should be married.

7. You Honestly Just Don’t Want To Get Married - KA-BOOM! TRUTH BOMB! Anyone alive out there? I know that this statement might have felt like a bucket of ice cold slush falling on your head, but I can promise you it’s totally real. I know our society can’t even fathom the notion of a woman who, for whatever reason, is legitimately disinterested in the idea of married life but please try to get past that. I mean, sure, society will totally let you do whatever you wanna do, but only provided that ‘whatever you wanna do’ will eventually lead to marriage, obviously. But, look! I have at least three Arab, Muslim, completely sound-minded female friends who have expressed to me their complete certainty in NOT wanting to get married. Like, never ever. And no they’re not lying to themselves; they simply just don’t choose that life. They’ve been to lots of weddings, they appreciate the idea, they were happy for everyone, but they didn’t walk out with a feeling of longing for marriage or even weddings. In fact, one of my friends told me that the idea of even wearing a wedding dress makes her want to break out in a cold sweat. Another friend of mine told me that she doesn’t want it because she legitimately believes that the idea of forever is a total crackpot and that marriage creates a weird social complex that she’s not interested in being a part of. I mean, even if I personally don’t share or agree with these notions (and I actually don’t), I have to respect them and the women who are saying them. Some women just don’t want to get married. Ever. And that’s a legitimate choice. Which is fine. If you’re still in shock over this news, I suggest you dunk your head in some salt water and move on with your day.

So there. To all of my single (and maybe ready to mingle) lady friends, this one’s for you. This one’s for all the pointless crap that society or family throws at you for not having hitched your wagon to a dude yet (any dude! JUST FIND A DUDE.). I know it hurts and it’s distracting and it makes you feel like there’s something truly wrong with you. But, there isn’t. Really. YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY AND TOTALLY COOL. I swear.

All my love!

Posted in Feminism, Musings and tagged , , , , , , ,
08 Mar 2013
20 Comments

Running in Heels: Lana Al-Resheed (The Game Changer)

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I present to you Running In Heels: a new feature series on the many women in Kuwait who are worthy of our appreciation. Women you may know, women you should know, and women you’ll definitely be hearing more about in the future. All beautiful, vibrant, game-changing women who have caught my attention and that I think definitely deserve yours as well.

Lana Al-Resheed is the kind of woman you wanted to be when you grew up. She’s a powerhouse in her chosen field, an innovator, a talent supporter and, ultimately, a game-changer.

When I first heard about Lana Al-Resheed it was in the summer of 2011, in an interview she gave to CityPages magazine (for which I used to write sporadically at the time), and I was immediately intrigued and excited to read about her success.

That’s because, whether she realizes it or not (I’m inclined to believe that she does), Lana Al-Rasheed has made an incredible jump for women in Kuwait. Lana was not only the first Kuwaiti to occupy the position of Assistant Director of Sales in Marketing in the hotel sector, but she was also the first Kuwaiti woman to do so. She then went on to be a Director of Marketing and PR and she co-founded The City, a nation-wide magazine that focuses on a number of issues and interests around Kuwait and boasts of an impressive writing staff.

If you don’t realize why all these accomplishments are note-worthy and are making an active change in the role of women in Kuwait, then let me lay it down for you. In an economy in which only 4.58% of positions of enterprise leadership in Kuwait are headed by women, seeing Lana Al-Resheed excel as well as she has is nothing short of astounding. She has not only succeeded among men, but (and I’m sorry fellas) she’s outshining men at their own game. But Lana Al-Resheed isn’t doing this through any aggressive, destructive power play, instead she’s made her name and reached her position through a much more smart and fluid method. She’s excelling in a male-established, ever changing market by charismatically and sharply navigating her way through that well established system. She respects the system for what it is and then she adds to it her own contribution and her own name brand of achievements.

Women who prove they can win in this way are the most advancing and important women that our society has to offer. Because they’re the women who can change all of society’s perceptions about what a woman is really capable of. They’re the kinds of women who show that we don’t need to separate ourselves from a market that is too ‘aggressive,’ ‘competitive, or ‘fast-paced’ for a woman to take part in. Not only can we merely take part but we can also dominate and flourish in that very same kind of work dynamic.

That is who Lana Al-Resheed is. A game changer of the most subtle and clever kind. The kind that makes the ground shift beneath your feet but you don’t realize it because you’re too busy marveling at just how well she does it. Oh, but you better realize it.

Lana Al-Resheed gave me the pleasure of interviewing her to probe her mind on some key issues within the field and on some of her main, astounding, and various accomplishments. I also tried to reach an insight on who Lana Al-Resheed is on a more personal level with a few non-business questions as well. I hope you guys will enjoy reading into the intriguing experiences and opinions of this important woman in our society and that you will appreciate all that she’s contributed to women as capable, inspiring, and powerful members of Kuwait.

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1. How did you first begin your career in marketing and why did you decide to follow this professional path permanently?

I love it. It is full of challenges. In the field of marketing, creativity is a must and you have to know the rules of the game. The rules change often, so you have to be up to date with the rules of the game. That’s how I like to look at it.

2. Not only were you the first Kuwaiti Assistant Director of Sales and Marketing in the hotel sector, but also the first Kuwaiti woman to occupy such a demanding job in this sector. How does this experience—both being the first Assistant Director and the first Kuwaiti woman in this job—give you an advantage? What were the challenges that you’ve faced and learned from in this unique sector of marketing, and as a woman as well?

It was coincidental! The market is very tough, but that tough market and experience is what gave me the biggest advantage in my career. I was learning as I went by. I feel that after the years I spent in marketing I can fairly say that I know quite a lot about the local market. I have met thousands of people — is it too much to say thousands? Honestly it feels like thousands of faces. I have made great memories, and it’s something that makes you smile when you realize you’ve helped in setting up many happy occasions and celebrations in your career. Weddings, anniversaries, dinner parties, award ceremonies, so much happiness and joy.

Overall there were many ups and some downs. Perhaps the downs were also many. I don’t like to look at the downs a lot. I just focus on getting over them and then forgetting they ever existed. It’s very tiring when you focus on your failures, so I learn the lessons and move on.

3. Because of your joint work in both the hotel sector and in marketing, I was wondering what your thoughts were on Kuwaiti tourism: do you have any ideas as to how Kuwait can revitalize its global image and ignite some tourist interest in the future? Do you have any opinions on Kuwait’s current tourism status?

I think we can really achieve a lot if we put our heads into it. I don’t want to sound too cliche but I really must, so here goes: we have what it takes here in Kuwait, we’re just not focused. We have a lot of land that’s not occupied and we have a lovely coast. The weather is not that big of a deal if you think of indoor activities. I don’t want to say ‘look at Dubai!’, instead I’ll just say let’s look at successful examples here in Kuwait. The Avenues Mall is one great example.

But if I was to rate the current status of tourism in Kuwait I would say it is honestly a disaster. It still feels like we’re in the 1990’s. I’m talking about the government sector of course. The private sector isn’t doing that great either. Regarding plans, we all have lots and lots of plans. I think everyone in Kuwait has at least a dozen ideas about this subject.

4. Going from a top-level director in the hotel sector and marketing, starting The City magazine was quite a departure. What was your initial idea behind The City? Why did you decide a magazine was the best medium to get this idea across?

I guess the fast success of theCITY Magazine answers this question.

5. What new and interesting challenges or experiences does working on a magazine offer you? How does it help expand your already vast knowledge of the marketing field?

Working in a magazine is extremely hard and very challenging. We have to think of a lot of things on a daily basis. For every issue we need to come up with new highlights and people to feature in the magazine and interview. So far we’ve been lucky and the number of writers continues to grow steadily, so that’s really good and comforting for us.

6. What do you hope to accomplish through The City magazine in the long run?

To see the magazine on shelves in bookstores abroad. I want the whole world to see the Kuwaiti achievers that we feature in the magazine.

7. As a woman who has made such great and notable progress in so many sectors of your field, how do you think your achievements might have changed the way society views the abilities of a woman?

I never paid attention to what people said. From the first day, I promised myself that I will focus on my job and that I don’t really care what society thinks in its backward mentality. In all honesty a lot of people around me were supportive, because they know that work is work, and I truly believe that great work shines and shows the world who you really are.

8. Do you think there are areas where women in Kuwait need to be better represented?

Women are doing fine. I think we all need to get our work done perfectly, whether men or women. We in this part of the world tend to talk more than we achieve, and I think it’s about time that we change this.

9. What do you think is your greatest quality?

I know what I want.

10. Your greatest fault?

I worry too much.

11. What is your most complete idea of happiness?

Peace of mind.

12. Who are your real-life heroes?

My father, the love of my life. And also my partner in theCITY Magazine, Khaled Al-Qahtani.

13. Your favorite thing to do?

Traveling, painting.

14. A talent you wish you had?

I’ve always wanted to be a horse rider and win medals but never did.

15. How would you like to be remembered?

Helpful.

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I’d really like to thank Lana Al-Resheed for contributing to this post and for providing such interesting and important insight on her unique experience and on herself. Be sure to stay tuned to Running in Heels as I’ve got some more downright awesome women in store within the few coming days inshallah. I know that today is International Women’s Day so I’d really like to wish all my fellow womankind nothing but unity, respect, peace, and endless success. We kick butt and we know it.

All my love!

Posted in Beautiful, Kuwait, Musings, Running In Heels and tagged , , , , , , ,
11 Feb 2013
4 Comments

The Blogosphere Marketplace (Of A Different Kind)

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So, yesterday, as some of you may or may not have noticed I got into something of a heated debate with fellow blogger Jacqui of Couch Avenue concerning the post I made about the complete and unquestionable racism which some Kuwaitis display by thinking that they, somehow, are superior to others due to their racial, a9eel lineage.

Or, rather, we debated my right, as an explicitly non-Kuwaiti blogger, to point out this racism (which we both agree on).

I was honestly very deeply disturbed (and a little hurt) by the words that were used against me, basically telling me that I should censor my thoughts and my experiences and my complete right to share them for the sole reason of the fact that I am not Kuwaiti. I was told that ‘if I didn’t like Kuwait’ (something that I have never said or even hinted at) that I should leave. That I will, no matter what, never really belong in Kuwait and that I am, regardless of how much care and devotion I put into Kuwait or even the blogosphere, but a mere visitor. I’ve always been very careful to verify my words as much as I can with some kind of prior evidence, to show that I’m not speaking from a place of hate or ignorance but a place of concern and foresight. Unfortunately, for Jacqui, despite my best efforts to prove the contrary, I still “know nothing.” All the while Jacqui, with all due respect, does not know me well at all and has no idea what I “know” and don’t “know.” But I’m assuming that wasn’t really her point behind that argument: my guess is she said that as a way of polarizing me and other non-Kuwaitis. As a way of saying that no matter how valid your points may be, expat, you and your voice simply don’t matter as much when it comes to the real issues in Kuwait. (Jacqui is always more than welcome to correct me and my assumption.)

Of course, I don’t believe or agree with any of the things that were said to me because I know that I have never had a malicious intent in any of the blog posts that I’ve made about Kuwait or anything else. I know that plenty of Kuwaiti people support and recognize everyone’s right and responsibility–expat or citizen–to comment, discuss, criticize and help weed out the bad so that we can all focus on making Kuwait good (and I really thank those of you who have reached out to me to say so). This post isn’t really about my discussion with Jacqui–it really isn’t. I’m only using it as an example of something else and something I actually want to see more of (kinda).

Y’see as disturbed as I was by Jacqui’s comments, I also have to say that I was really quite refreshed by them as well. And I mean that genuinely and without a shred of my regular, italicized sarcasm (I swear!).

Because, the reality is that the Kuwaiti blogosphere would be so much better off if it nurtured a marketplace of ideas and opinions which are freely exposed and shared without any barriers or preconceived notions of what bloggers “can” and “should” talk about. Where we can speak our minds freely about any topic we choose and discuss how, in the end, we all may see it differently or from different perspectives. I want the blogosphere to be a place where we don’t have to stoop to passive aggressiveness where we mention things vaguely and ironically, or where we even start to discuss specific blogger’s antics with everyone except the specific blogger. These things have happened to me personally in the short time that I’ve been a blogger and I was basically just told “Oh, that’s just bloggers.”

But nope. Sorry. I don’t accept that. Because I respect the Kuwaiti blogosphere and I respect its members even the ones that, in many cases, I am diametrically opposed to. And making the blogosphere seem like a society of specific ‘clubs’ and fake niceties is not respect.

What Jacqui did was respect.

By publicly and directly coming to me and voicing her opinions about me, my blog, and everything else that entails, on a certain level, she respected me as a fellow blogger who shares her blogosphere as she does mine. Even when I am completely and utterly against almost everything she stated against me and at me (like the insults of calling me an inferior brained joke, for one), I still respect Jacqui.

I respect her because, unlike a few unfortunate others (who, by the way, I truly have nothing against and still happily greet when I see them and follow them on all the social networks), she came up to me and said “Owlolive, I think you’re wrong” and, in doing so, she gave me the opportunity to say “no, Jacqui, I think you’re wrong.” And in that way we can actually share different ideas and opinions, and engage in a dialog that will help the blogosphere generally and this blog specifically grow and become more diverse in its content and points of reference. We don’t need to cloister ourselves in ‘groups’ and breed this passive aggressive poison in which every passing “dear” is filled with Mean Girls type hostility. We don’t need to start ‘blogger wars’ and purposefully set out to say hurtful things to one another instead of calmly and directly speaking our minds. I have never started such a ‘blogger war’ with any of my fellow bloggers nor am I planning to ever do so.

I hope Jacqui and every other person who ever decides to comment on the blog (both here or elsewhere) knows that even when they tell me things like, “Owlolive, I think you’re wrong,” that I will always fight for their right to say that both on Owlolive.com and anywhere else (however, they have about zero right to insult me personally and baselessly). I will celebrate the right of people to disagree with me and criticize me directly and explicitly because that’s how my blog and the Kuwaiti blogosphere along with it grows. That’s how any society and culture and pretty much every human construct since the beginning of time has ever grown.

That’s how we breed a marketplace of different ideas and how we get to truth and understanding between one another as a blogging community and as a group of people who are, at the end of the day, just trying to do our best to make Kuwait better.

All my love!

Posted in Blogosphere, Kuwait, Musings and tagged , , , , ,
09 Feb 2013
19 Comments

And Now, A Crazy, Racist Dose of Bloodline “Purity”

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Story time: So a few days ago I was having a casual lunch with a friend of mine and, as does sometimes happen, she invited one of her own friends to drop by and join us. I didn’t mind because, you know, I like people (and new people too? Variety!). My friend’s friend arrived, we talked, we ate hamburgers, we enjoyed each other’s casual company. Then, as nonchalant as ever, my friends friend nibbles on a few french fries, fiddles with her phone, and casually shares a funny little anecdote that goes something like this:

“Oh, my mom is so excited cause she just got back these lab test results which prove that our family lineage is totally pure-bred.“

She had said this in Arabic, of course, and for ‘pure-bred’ she used the ever dignified, somewhat widespread and unequivocally racist word: A9eelen (أصيلين). YUP. That’s right. Racism: alive and well and scientifically proven! Thank you, humanity, for reaffirming my faith in you.

Now, this was not the first time that I was exposed to this very disturbing side of Kuwaiti social culture. A friend of mine has actually suffered due to this brand of racist ‘blood’ elitism. I’ve heard this term flung around in a number of occasions between my Kuwaiti friends (or more like acquaintances, I don’t closely associate myself with racists and none of my good Kuwaiti friends are anything like that). But, for crying out loud, sometimes the level of human crazy charts a new high on the Richter scale. And in regards to this bug-nutty, koo-koo ‘a9eel’ crap this is the latest Richter scale reading:

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat.

How ancient and delusional do you have to be to actually invest in this kind of idea? Like, to actually wake up every morning, go about your day, deal with different people and, in the midst of all that, be like, “That’s riiiiight! My blooood! My blood’s the purest blood! So glad I have this blood and not that gross NOT PURE BLOOD. It makes me a way better human being!”

I mean, really? You look down upon people who you SOMEHOW believe are less ‘pure’ than you? You believe in a “master lineage”? I’m sorry, but if that’s not the hackiest, vaguest premise for any kind of social racism I don’t know what is. And, gosh, don’t you know that modern racists have learned to cloak their racism behind creative language about “social backgrounds” and “values”? Catch up please.

You know, a part of me feels uncomfortable for trying to make jokes about this kind of behavior because, clearly, this is a messed up and truly dangerous social attitude for anyone to have. Obviously, these kinds of perspectives (which are really not infrequent at all in Kuwait) need to be stopped and not catered to whatsoever. But I honestly just cannot wrap my head around the sheer absurdity of believing in something like racial, bloodline ‘purity.’ This is some seriously old-timey nonsense garbage right here.

I mean, if you believe in and publicly support this insane idea of racial purity you are, essentially, separating yourself from the rest of freaking humanity. Because when it comes to you actually being a sane, happy, truly productive member of society I’m pretty sure that “Don’t Be A Racist Tool” is like the 2nd most important personal quality you need to have after, like, “Don’t Be A Weasel.”

Also, what are you doing with science? Science is way too busy for you. You do not get to use science for your racist reassurance woes. I mean, honestly, someone using cutting edge, scientific technology to try to prove something as anciently offensive and backwards as the ‘purity’ of their racial lineage is the biggest insult to ALL OF HUMAN SCIENCE. That’s like using NASA’s latest solar satellite to prove that the Earth is actually flat. No. You do not get to talk to science anymore. Go to the naughty corner!

So, just to get this ‘a9eel’ business totally straight, here’s the basic gist of what the people who truly believe in this stuff are actually like: They look down upon certain people (in various degrees) because they believe that these poor, lowly individuals have some racially, blood-infused inferiority which makes them not worth as much. BUT! They’re not really all that sure of what this inferiority even is SO THEY HAVE TO USE A TEAM OF SCIENTISTS to figure that out for them. And, of course, they have to use those same scientists to prove that they themselves are, indeed, not of this lowly, stinky, and VERY VAGUELY ‘UN-PURE’ lineage. Basically, they’re the most half-assed and weirdly disturbing kind of racist. The kind that doesn’t even really know what they’re racist against, but chooses to be racist anyway.

Sigh.

All my love!

Posted in Kuwait, Musings, SAY WHAAA...! and tagged , , , , ,

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